Hail-Storm

College!

I'm fluctuating between really liking all of my classes and really hating them, except for Discrete Math, which I hate all the time. I'm gonna have to study that one online more than in the classroom because I can't understand a word the professor says. I'm sorry, world, I just don't have an ear for accents.

My CORE Discovery class, The Sacred Journey, however, is awesometastic. The teacher is cynical in the best way ever and I always come out of that class entertained.

Oh, and speaking of entertainment, the people of my hometown seem to be finding my Facebook page to be a constant source of it O.o

Anyway, the real reason I'm writing this journal is to let you guys know that I'm starting an art-based livestream XD Tune in and if you're lucky, I'll be drawing something at the moment. It's...not often, but hey, it might be fun XD I originally started it because I was drawing lordasch's Kanpeki-Kun and wanted feedback as I was drawing it, so....yes.

www.livestream.com/lukevsphoto…

Actually, I'll probably be working on this one drawing for a few more days, so tune in? XDDD

Edit: OH PLEASE MUTE IT. If you watch the livestream, mute it unless you want to hear me hacking up a lung.

Well, first of all...

こんにちわ～

Japanese is fun~! I'm taking the class now and soon I'll be able to rant an entire journal in Japanese, quite possibly about how bad I am at writing in it! ;D This whole thing where I can type in Japanese with an English keyboard may save my life...Or wreck my learning of the language. Either or. Really, the writing kills me, because the only ひらがな (heheh~) character I knew going into that class was の, which...well, is 1/48 of what I wish I knew.

Oh, but the lack of capitalization in Japanese is disappointing. D:

But, y'know, thinking about it, I just realized that 48 characters in Japanese isn't that bad. Technically, English has *quick math* 52, if you count non-capitalized letters and capitalized letters as distinct, and the fact that each letter and its corresponding upper-case sound exactly the same, that makes English sounds just a bit ridiculous.

So, as for the rest of my classes...

What is Discrete Math? I'm still a bit confused on that point, despite sitting through two lectures of it. It doesn't help that the professor has a very thick Chinese accent...He's very smart, but through most of today's class, I was like, "What the heck is a Russian number...?" Rational numbers. *headdesk* Oh boy I wish I could have taken Calculus last year D: It probably would help Discrete make more sense. w@

I also have two Computer Science classes. The difference between the two teachers...wow. One is like, "Okay, if you want to play Halo during class...do it in the back and put a security screen on. Just don't stand up and yell, "USE THE GRENADE LAUNCHER." Awesome, thanks " while the other is, "Listen, there are some things I don't care about and I don't want you to tell me >_> Now, let me tell you about my last hospital trip..." OH YAY I HAVE THE GOOD ONE TOMORROW! *spontaneously looked at schedule*

I'm also taking a class at the Institute there...well, okay, I walked to the Institute building yesterday for class, about...half to three-fourths of a mile, some of it uphill, got to the door, and there was a big yellow paper: "Institute classes start August 31st" *WHOMP* (<-sound of me headdesking*) And it turns out I signed up for the wrong one anyway, and now I can't find one to fit my schedule except the four-week block ones, so....yeah XD;

My only other class is my Core Discovery class, The Sacred Journey. I guess it's a class detailing the different religions in the world. This semester we're doing East Asian religions, I assume, which sounds fun~ Not really anything of interest to say about that one...Bloop.

Oh, and I went to the Singles' Ward for the first time ever o.o I didn't want to go to it back home...because...but up here...well, I still don't know anyone in the ward, but the Sunday School teacher...LOL she's epic XDDD Very energetic and humorous, opposed to the phlegmatic (Challenge: Use that word today.) church-goers I'm used to. I was so used to the Sunday Sleepers that I had to force myself to be attentive to fit in, which was pretty easy when this lady's hopping around at the front.

Oh, and a lot of girls there...wear short skirts with leggings. My brain just about 'sploded. Back home, that would be (and has been) greeted with cries of "HEEEEAAAAAAATHEEEEEEEEEEEEEN! D<" but...wow. Personally, I think that women can be respectful to God and the Sabbath day without dresses. Personally, when I'm in a dress, I think extremely horrible, violent things. It does not contribute to good thoughts. Just sayin'. Sort of like horsehair shirts, really.

Oh, yes, and good news! I will be getting a new tablet shortly, so I will probably resume submitting drawings...eventually. You know me. o3o The only place in town I can buy one is at the University bookstore, but I'm hoping to find a better deal online, so it might take me a while, but...it's coming　XD

またこんどね~

*butchers yet another language*

*edit* I just noticed I started four different paragraphs with "Oh"...Sorry, I have this thing about paragraph variation XDD Oh, speaking of (THERE I GO AGAIN)...kinda...I got The Elements of Style at a bookstore. Yay!

>_>

<_<

Yes. I'm here. AGH GET AWAY DON'T KILL ME! D8

I've recently been itching to get back on deviantART, probably because of that insane round of Skype with Mahotou, LIsMyName, TeachMeMogster, ShinobiIke, and lordasch...well...I just had to get online XD;

Well, basically, I'm going to college next week! Woot! I'll be going to the University of Idaho, so maybe I can hang out with WoodscourtBooks, Shini-sensei, and HumanStick every once in a while instead of never XD I'm so excited for it o.o I went up there for Vandal Friday in...March? It was amazing because people there knew what deviantART was. This, to me, is mind-boggling. I get to live somewhere where people know how to use computers, finally ;D
(I'm now taking bets on how long Oakley can live, computer-wise, without me.)

No artwork to submit, unfortunately...For one, I haven't been drawing much XD; Two...My tablet is deader than dead. But it didn't work on my laptop anyway and that's all I'll have at college, so I need to get a new one anyway XD I've got some cash monies left over from my job in Boise, so I'll probably buy a new one...in Moscow. Hopefully I can find one...

HOWEVER I do have something to submit~ I'm not sure what inspired me to do it, but...


(Will submit the prologue in a bit)

Yeah. It's on. And no, it's not a comic unless someone wants to adapt it XD

Lastly, everyone needs to go pester lordasch and ShinobiIke, 'cause they're cool.

This is just something I noticed over the years. My thoughts were way more organized when I thought of it last night and have somewhat dissolved since then, but bear with me. XD

Take, just as an example, a shy person. Give them total and complete anonymity and the chance to say whatever they want. What do you get? A suddenly very out-going person, or at least considerably more outgoing than otherwise.

This is what the internet does to people. (I think another part of the internet's magical social-ability-giving power is that it allows us to skip over the "Hey, what's your name? What do you like?" stage through the use of profiles. I've noticed the same effect in places where people wear nametags.) The thing about this is...well...we can say whatever the heck we want, without fear of consequences (more or less) and therefore, we can speak our true feelings more freely.

But, riddle me this: Only in lies can we tell the truth?

On the opposite end of the spectrum, real life, we show our true faces, but not our souls. In real life, we're deathly afraid of making fools of ourselves and keep our true feelings locked inside.

So, in truth, we lie.

I just thought this was an interesting paradox. As soon as the anonymity of the internet is taken away, even by something as simple as revealing our names, we retreat back into our shells, afraid of getting hurt or of hurting others. Not that there's anything wrong with being shy--or outgoing, for that matter--but I think that it'd be a lot better if that same truth that comes with anonymity could be shared with the face truth.

</philosophy>

---------------------------

So, I got a job. I actually got this job a long time ago, but this was the first week that I actually started into it. XDD

I don't think I'm being paid enough. D:

Well, actually, there are times when I laze around doing nothing and think, "I'm getting paid for this?" and then there are times when I think, "I'm donating my freaking wages so this freaking building can get itself a freaking escalator DX" and then times when I think, "Oh flaming beacons of heaven I'm not getting paid enough D;"

Anyway~ Right now I'm in Boise, acting as a Page for the Idaho House of Representatives.

Befoe I got here, I was really expecting the Reps to be a bunch of stuffy old men, but....oh gosh, some of them have the best sense of humor in the world XD Nonini, for example. If you or anyone you know lives in the Coeur d'Alene (District 5) area, VOTE FOR HIM! He's amazing in person XDD He came into the Page Cage one day and started a competition for who could give the Pages the most snack money. We now have a bucket in our room labeled ' Pages' Wages' especially for that purpose.

I'm also living here in Boise, which is awesome because, as a 'small town girl,' being in the city is like a dream *_* It's also the city I was born in (at a hospital called St. Luke's. No, really. I didn't know this until just a couple of weeks ago. XDD) and...well, it might be the city where my birth parents still live. I really don't know @_@

So far I've gotten horribly lost three times, once on foot (Missed my bus stop and ended up stuck on an overpass a mile from home. Don't make me relive that night plzkthx), ate it on the steps inside the Capitol Annex building (where the House and Senate are meeting while the actually building is being re...re...put back the way it was originally) and stabbed my hand with a pencil (Ouchies ; - ; )...and the 'R' and 'F' keys popped off my keyboard. The 'F' key is back where it's supposed to be, but the 'R' key is....sorta hanging on for dear life. It works, but hitting it feels funny XD

Anyway, whining aside, it's been pretty fun XD Five more weeks! Woo~

Also, I suck tremendously at parliamentary procedure and embarrass myself every time they call my name D:

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Last order of business...

I've got this website, Solve My World...

AND I DUNNO WHAT TO DO WITH IT!

Originally, I had planned to turn it into a collaborative problem solving website, where everyone in the world puts their heads together to solve big problems like....global warming and whatnot, but then...I realized that, one, I'm too lazy for something that epic, and two...it would probably turn into another Yahoo Answers. So, now I've got the domain name and hosting and not much idea as to what to do with it.

So, I'm asking YOU! Yes, you. Stop looking behind you. You.

What should I do with it? It can be anything in the world, but the name's got to stick. I mean, I already paid for it and everything. XD

Meeting adjourned until you comment

I think I should explain where I've been all this time.

Would you believe me if I said that I was stuck in the craziest adventure of my life? I'm fairly sure that somewhere in the universe, an author was writing it and cackling at my misfortunes and fortunes. XD

It started about...a month and a half ago. I was fighting with some extreme depression at the time. I mean, I caught the angst bug, and I caught it bad. I think that I was mostly lonely. Heart-felt was about to move away, the Wadsworths had left long before, and I didn't quite have the same connection with anyone else around here. They say that rabbits, when left alone, lose the will to live. That's how I felt.

I was playing Ragnarok Online one night, angsting, when I decided something: I needed to find a guild. That would give me the chance to connect to other people and socialize instead of wallowing in my little self-inflicted hole of despair. I looked around for guilds recruiting (spotting a deviantART guild that I almost joined, by the way)...when I spotted Asch Fabre of the OrderOfLorelei.

I didn't think much about it at the time. I PMed him, saying that I liked his character name and guild combination. He said that he got that all the time. Then...the gears started turning.

As a female on an MMORPG, I wasn't well accepted. Most thought I was a guy playing as a girl, or simply ignored me. However...I had a male account. I was also playing through Tales of the Abyss again.

I decided to make a Knight character based on Luke fon Fabre.

So, there I was, sitting in Prontera. I spotted another member of the Lorelei guild and gave him a heads up, but I didn't get much of a reply. I wasn't sure what to do. For a moment, I considered deleting the character and just going on with my life, but then I got the invite:

"I found a Luke! "

From then on, I was a member of the OrderOfLorelei guild. For some reason I still don't understand, I melded into the guild almost instantly. Part of it was probably because the members of the guild are AWESOME (Abinition, MinnyDoll, MegaSama, LeYetipants, Mahotou, Heart-felt, and whoever else is on dA, as well as the members not on dA, I'm looking at YOU!). There were a few bumps, of course, but nothing that couldn't be overcome. The guild amazed me time and time again with the strength of each member. Most of all, I was fascinated with their openness. I got a small glimpse into their little worlds, and I was amazed. Everyone in the guild had vivid personalities, quirks, and stories. I was used to seeing others as merely 'molds' of humans, a glob of cells and little more, but...I don't know, it was different. Eye-opening, I guess XD

All this time, however,  I was convinced that I was only being accepted because I was hiding who I really was. I kept telling myself, "They can never find out." I thought that if they did, they would lose interest and soon forget me.

But soon, that "never find out" faded into, "Gah, I really wish I could tell them!!" and finally into, "I have to tell them eventually. Until then, I have to do all I can to reduce the collateral damage."

Unfortunately, despite all of efforts to "reduce collateral damage", there came a time when I couldn't find my real identity any longer, when no matter what I did, someone would get hurt. On Christmas day, I knew (Well, more like Heart knew) that the time was now. I called Asch to Ostia...

To tell you the truth, I was scared beyond belief. The only time I had ever been quite as scared was when I thought my life was about to end. I sat there at my computer, underneath a lamppost in the game world, my hands shaking. Heart was there with me, and that was the only thing holding me there. Otherwise, I might've run off and never be heard from again, at least in the MMORPG world.

Asch came, and after much gathering of courage, I finally told him the truth. All of it. For a while, I was certain that he'd hate me, that he'd kick me out of the guild, but...

Well, long story short, everything turned out alright. I'm still in the guild, still accepted (somewhat miraculously, since the revelation that I'm a girl is allowing me to show more of my evil side. I think I'm the reason I'm gynophobic!), and...now in a sort of relationship. I'm still in shock at how well things turned out. It almost seems impossible, but...maybe there was a touch of destiny in it. Who knows, really.

The journal title is what I'd like this story to be called, if it ever gets written. I'd like to journalize it and keep it for my future kids, at least. It's taken from the song "Cross my Heart" by Nevertheless, where the lyrics go, "Cross my heart, hope to make it out alive." For that month and a half, that's how I felt all the time. I was crossing my heart, sure enough, and I hoped with all of it that I would make it out of that mess alive and intact. I made it out alive, more alive and intact than I've been in years.

Suffice to say, I had the best Christmas Vacation EVER.

I'll still be playing RO a lot, of course, but I'll try to check in once in a while. I've got lots of Paradise? to read, or so I've heard.

I also just found out recently that one of my favorite childhood book series, Deltora Quest got turned into an anime! Filli is the cutest generic fantasy pet I've ever seen! X3 (Sorry, Furas, you would have won, but...Just lookitim!! )

Well, I hope everyone else is doing well! My prayers go out to all of you that 2009 is a good year for ye~ :3 In the meantime, I'm gonna do my best to live this crazy, crazy life. XD

EDIT: Where the heck did my layout go...? Oh...Dang it! This is why you guys shouldn't get me subscriptions. I just let them run out and waste them. Sorry! D;e....and thee goes my 'R' key....XD